Sartorial Self-Care for Peers

I studied the life work of Caroline Myss a medical intuitive. Her concept of Archetypes is right-on. Studying this I found out that I have a Fashionista archetype. There is such a thing!

Everything clicked into place after I bought and read the book Wear It Well by Allison Bornstein. Using the personal stylist’s Three Word Method I defined my style as Chic Quirky Confident.

Choosing and using wardrobe items for everyone not just women is a form of self-care. When dressing up gives a person joy they should not be ridiculed for their love of fashion.

This kind of self-care for us peers can help us feel good interacting with others. Dressing well can give us ease in our relationships. Years ago I met a peer who told me that this is why they dressed to appear normal when going outside. Precisely because your appearance is judged.

I joined a private online fashion community a year ago. Women post photos of outfits we’re dressed in to request feedback. I’ve figured out winning outfit combinations this way.

Everyone is positive. There’s a $25/monthly fee. This keeps out the trolls and anonymous hateful comments.

Polishing your presence is just a book or click away then. I completed a 5-outfit challenge for January by creating 5 new outfits out of clothes I already own.

“Shopping in your closet” is the way to go. Plus it’s OK to repeat outfits. Particularly when the outfits are “winners.”

Once you’ve fashioned this wardrobe it’s easier to choose and use clothing items each day. Think in terms of how you want to come across.

By automating your outfit choices you’ll have extra time in the morning. Start the day with an edge once you’re going out your front door.

Coming up a blog carnival of related topics beginning with my approach to dressing. Then a deep dive into what I’ve learned after viewing the webinar on Presence and Persona for women.

After this a focus on conducting a job search effectively linked to my recent experience helping out peers get jobs. Lastly a review of what I’ll call a “case study” in succeeding in business as a peer.

Making an IPO

I’ve invented an approach to getting a favorable outcome in the workforce. It shouldn’t upset followers that I propose this. This is because allegedly a person forms an impression of you within 7 seconds.

All along I’ve had ideas about how to dress. I’m 59. No longer do I care what others think of me. Nor do I have any interest in trying to impress people who would hate judge fear or shame me.

In my Girl on the Left blog I wrote that I think if you’re dressed chic you can get away with being a radical on the inside.

A few years ago too I thought that everyone is a work of art. We can delight the viewer. Yet even with a work of art whether the viewer likes us is subjective for each person looking at the artwork.

I’ve coined the term Making Your IPO–your Initial Persona Offering. I think every interaction you have with another person involves sales.

To get them to buy into whatever you’re selling–either you; an idea you have at work; a belief you hold–each of us should demonstrate why they should buy in and the benefit in doing this.

The second thing is to give them equity like “stock options” that are ownership in the company whose product you’re selling. A person has to want to do what you say. Again attacking your target market that you want to convert will cause those people to resist and get defensive.

The idea of making your IPO upends the idea of creating a Personal Brand. I think too that the best personal brand is a reflection of who you are and what you stand for. It’s as simple as that.

We should make our Initial Persona that we offer others our own beautiful self. Acting true to yourself is the best way to sell your own unique brand. Jazzing up our appearance is not vain or calculating. It’s a way to level up your presence. Which in the end feels good to you. Not just to the viewer.

The real thing when you’re just starting out in recovery is that the hair could be uncombed. The shoes are scuffed.

Or like I did I wore regular sized clothing when I was a Petite size. So the blazer was as big as my Grandpa’s and the sleeves were too long too.

Even with all its scandals Nike is a brand to research for understanding how it generates fierce fans of its products. Read the book which I might have reviewed in here: Emotion by Design by Greg Hoffman who worked at Nike for decades.

In the next blog entry I will talk about things I’m doing to polish my persona. It’s not bulletproof that everyone will always buy into what you’re selling. Yet like I said in that other blog dressing well helped me recover. That’s the real impact of leveraging how you look: You take joy in getting up in the morning and going out the front door.

Getting a Job in 2025

My recent blogs posts I think were too graphic.

I’ve taken off the last 3 blog entries I posted here. My original intent in posting them was that I wanted to speak out about the current injustice. Sadly it’s too far gone in what’s going on. A friend and I were talking about this turn of events.

Here’s the real deal: If you want to understand the root of income inequality in America read the book Fulfillment: Winning and Losing in One-Click America. It exposes what happens when Amazon sets up warehouses and distribution centers in rural areas in the U.S.

Read books. End of story. Read current nonfiction to become aware of what’s going on. The one thing I will revive in this blog entry is what I did write in one of the deleted missives: Americans hating fearing judging and shaming each other has to STOP.

This is what’s gotten out of hand: that some of us–too many of us–use skin color alone to assess a person’s competence or character.

Too like I said I’m not a fan of either side of the government. I dislike Liberals the same way I detest Conservatives.

I’m going to post blog entries coming up about how to get a job in 2025 in the current political climate. I will write about this in a measured and considered way instead.

The friend I talked to [and I do too] knows the whole neoliberal economic system in America started in the 1970s. This inequality is nothing new. It’s been around for at least 50 years.

Anyone who knows American history knows that during Jim Crow there were separate water fountains in the South for White and Black Americans. This is as far as I’ll go to resuscitate what I wrote in the deleted blog entries.

As well the last reference I can use is the idea of Merit alone being the reason a person gets a job offer. In a future blog entry I will talk about Merit in more detail. Then give workarounds for competing to get a job when allegedly today Merit will be the only factor.

Setting Boundaries

Setting boundaries is a must for everyone. Having boundaries gives us a sense of control and empowers us in our relationships. Boundaries set clear expectations for the treatment you will and won’t accept.

Be specific about what you expect and the repercussions of crossing the boundary at work and in your personal life.

You can tell the person: “This is not open to talking about.” Or: “I’m available to meet or talk between 1:00am and 3:00pm.”

In the Muse newsletter I’ve always recommend readers subscribe to a recent topic was oversharing at work. It’s wise to set the boundary of what’s an OK conversation to have with coworkers. Really think about what you should talk about and what to keep private.

Even outside of the workplace setting boundaries is a must. Not everyone wants to talk about their personal life. Nor about any history of illness or other disadvantage. This calls for interacting with the other person on their terms not yours.

The fact is that talking about parts of your or their life over and over can be triggering when reliving the details. The future is today. My sincere hope is that each of us can get to the place where we live for today. Instead of dwelling on the past and feeling miserable.

Should our current circumstances not be ideal either it’s OK to refocus and talk about what gives us joy and do things that give us joy. Save the misery for a therapist session.

In my life I don’t talk about illness either. When I give talks on recovery I focus on my radical ideas for living well and whole. Rarely do I talk in detail about the symptoms and illness. I refer audience members to read my memoir Left of the Dial to find out about this.

In a coming blog carnival I’m going to talk about getting ahead in the current political climate.

On Not Playing Small

I’m taking a detour from the blog entry I was going to post coming up.

A faithful friend is gone and I feel the need to honor his memory. He was a peer who brought joy to everyone whose lives he touched.

Riding home in a private car after hearing the news two lines from the famous Marianne Williamson quote streamed into my head over and over: You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world.

Might we dare greatly to take up space even when the media darlings, the anti-psychiatry cranks, and countless others hate judge and shame us. What irks them about us is their problem not ours.

Here is the full Williamson quote with the pertinent lines in bold:

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, ‘Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?’ Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

― Marianne Williamson, A Return to Love: Reflections on the Principles of “A Course in Miracles”

Get Organized Month

January is Get Organized Month. Getting organized at work can set you up for success in the coming year. Taking 15 minutes to tidy up your desk in the workplace or your home office can work wonders for your wellbeing.

My take on tidying up and remaining clutter-free:

A pile of file folders on your desk looks messy. If the same folders are on your desk everyday (more than 5 or 10 or more) it can look like nothing’s getting done and you’ve dumped them there. There’s a difference between looking busy and being busy.

In the 1990s a coworker maligned me for this very practice: Keeping file folders I wasn’t using on my desktop. Keep only the papers and documents for the current project at your fingertips.

As for decorating your work desktop: Keep it Simple. I wouldn’t place pens in a mug atop your desk as it could be tempting for a coworker to steal—okay take—a pen.

On my desktop is a wire bin on the left and on the right a wire 3-tray inbox system. Three family photos on the desk. A quote magnet. A metal cup with bookmarks so this librarian can hold her place in the books she reads.

The decorative items should not be placed where it will be hard to move papers and other items around them.

Right on cue in Get Organized Month I tidied up my work desk. Threw out papers trolling in the inbox for months. Rearranged where the decorative objects were placed on the desk. Removed one object from atop the desk.

The goal is health harmony and happiness at work and at home. Harmony is a pleasing arrangement of parts. Congruence is when the inner and outer elements agree in our life.

“Ship-shape” is a worthy goal. Decades ago, I browsed the Intrepid Air Sea and Space Museum in Manhattan. Fascinated I was with the neat and tidy compartments of a submarine.

Trust. I’m no fan of having a messy desk and being proud of the disorder. This is my take on living tidy. Some of my followers could be OK living with a little mess. To each our own.

Yet if getting organized appeals to you why not take the time this month to tidy up?

Maurice Bernard and Me

Grateful I was that a person paid for my costly ticket to a mental health non-profit’s Gala. Maurice Bernard was the keynote speaker and Courageous Voice award recipient. He is the actor who plays Sonny on General Hospital TV show.

Bernard told attendees that he had 3 mental breakdowns. That you recover by taking medication and using therapy. The actor hosts the podcast State of Mind. He wrote the best-selling book Nothing General About It.

Bernard said to us that fans would write letters to him telling him they not longer felt like they were alone in what they were going through. Being vocal about taking medication and achieving the pinnacle of success in show business gives peers ammunition for shooting for recovery.

The fact is not everyone who takes pills is going to become famous on TV. Even if you and I didn’t scale the heights in a career or otherwise in society this doesn’t matter. We are gorgeous simply because we exist.

Hearing Maurice Bernard talk about his recovery in honest detail inspired and encouraged me to keep championing recovery for everyone in whatever guise recovery comes to a person as.

Bake cakes. Sing in a choir. Ride a skateboard. It’s all good.

Our diagnosis does not define us. Nor should our job title salary or relationship status with a partner.

Traditional markers of success aren’t what counts. What matters more is that we can find one thing each day to do that gives us joy. That we can be happy and healthy living our lives.

And healthy doesn’t mean a fit illness-free 105 pound body. Healthy is having what I call “functional fitness”:

Being able to cope with whatever stress comes into our lives. The ability to function in the world. Reaching out for help when you can’t go it alone anymore.

It takes a Village. It really does.

The mental health world is the real world. The world outside I don’t know what that world is where people hate judge and stereotype each other.

In that world an ex-Marine ends the lift of a person like Jordan Neely who is not a subdued White person.

We cannot be afraid to live our lives going about our recovery. We’re doing the best we can with what we were given.

Bernard ended his acceptance speech with this: “Your suffering makes you interesting.”

Oh how society would be different if it were fashionable to be living in recovery.

Jordan Neely and Us

Daniel Penny walked out of the courtroom in New York City free of all charges after the chokehold he used against Jordan Neely ended the life of the homeless man.

Neely had schizophrenia and was famous as a Michael Jackson impersonator. Using Google Images and typing in Jordan Neely it’s uncanny the resemblance in the photos.

The New York Post newspaper on the front page claimed Penny shouldn’t have been arrested to begin with. That the case shouldn’t have been sent to trial.

You kill someone you should be arrested and receive a trial by jury to determine whether you’re guilty or innocent. There’s no subjectively NOT arresting whoever you don’t want to arrest as you think it’s OK that they killed someone.

Conservative Christians and others contributed a million dollars to the ex-Marine’s legal fund. Penny was hailed as a Hero for intervening when Neely was psychotic and threatened riders on a NYC subway train a year ago.

It begs the question as to Fear: what people going about their ordinary lives every day should fear and what we should not fear.

The prosecuting attorney’s argument was weak if you ask me. After the verdict of innocent protests took over in the streets in New York City.

The fact is in light of a person like Neely with untreated mental illness acting out in public there’s guilt by association. You and I might not be violent. Yet once we tell another person we have a mental illness they’ll think we could “snap” at any minute in the future.

We who are recovered and doing well must advocate for individuals like Jordan Neely who fall through the cracks. Those cracks are as wide as the Grand Canyon and easy to fall into.

The Mad crowd are against using medication at any time. They think psychiatry is a pseudo-science. In this realm the anti-psychiatry folk have pulled sway in society.

The choice to take medication is the right of the individual. For those of us who’ve discontinued our medication and had a severe relapse I would say the only choice is to pop those pills again.

How would Open Dialogue or any other “hold their hand in a quiet room to cure them” philosophy help a person like Neely who was severely ill to begin with.

Right. Right.

I will always talk about how taking pills allowed me to recover. It’s not my place to tell others what they should do or not do. My story is out there in my first book Left of the Dial. Pretty convincing that narrative was on its own.

Jordan Neely didn’t deserve to die. We don’t need people like Daniel Penny taking matters into their own hand like a vigilante.

My uncle was a Marine who served on Iwo Jima in World War II. He would be horrified that a former Marine took the life of a person with a mental illness.

Coming up I’m going to give a lighter look at how to fight stigma courtesy of a holiday event I attended.

Booting Stigma

In the December/January issue of Harper’s Bazaar fashion magazine was a feature showcasing jewelry. The models wearing the necklaces were not the traditional runway girls you see in photos. This was interesting to me as their identities were not given.

So beautiful it is to me to think that you can live and love [and laugh!] in society without making your gender the focus of everything you do. For others they want you to know.

The fashion spread got me thinking about how best to fight stigma. Likely there’s no one best method to do this. It depends on the person’s comfort level. In a coming blog entry I’ll talk about my stance in more detail.

In fact I’m no fan of working in a cubicle in a corporate office after my failed first insurance field career. My friend Robin had schizophrenia and rose up to be the CEO of a corporation. So I could not tell you flat-out to rule out an office job.

What I can say is that I think it’s still dice-y to disclose when you work in a business setting. This is up to you. It’s your choice wherever you work.

The link to the fashion article in Harper’s Bazaar is this: I dream of a day when disclosure isn’t necessary as there’s no stigma anymore. Yet even should this happen we can talk of intent versus impact: in the atmosphere where educating others has become unnecessary:

Hiding in a closet could cause emotional distress even when there’s an outside openness to talking about mental illness. Should the day come when there’s mainstream acceptance everywhere then disclosure would likely be okay.

It’s a question of do as I say not as I do as my recovery is an open secret. Since I’m no fan of tossing out details of your diagnosis to coworkers like candy corn on Halloween.

The issue is that stigma still exists in the hearts and minds of people interacting with a person who has a mental illness.

I and you and others might be on the lucky end of the luck of the draw: recovered and doing well. On the opposite side there are those of us who have “disclosed” simply because we’re acting bizarre out in public.

In the coming blog entry I will talk in detail about this as the fact is it’s a stereotype at work when it comes to stigma.

We each of us should be having compassion for others who are not doing well. We’re not in opposing camps.

In this holiday season gratitude is call for. And empathy along with eggnog.

See Who We Are

This week I had my new article published on the Mental Health Affairs blog website. I’m going to give readers the link to the essay here.

What should be added here as the corollary to what I wrote in the piece is that “geography determines biography.” Where you are born can determine your personal history and where you go in life. Or whether your opportunities are limited forever.

The failed trajectory of obtaining the American Dream is a reality for the very people shut out of the thriving cites in the Northeast corridor or elsewhere.

What I’ve been thinking about is how to best aid individuals living in rural or Rust Belt areas. They are the very ones the government can help out by giving every American a $1,000/monthly Universal Basic Income (UBI).

Sadly, elected leaders resist creating this option. They’re selling billions in arms to Saudi Arabia to fight wars in the middle east.

Where has that money been going once America gets it?

Here’s my See Who We Are article.